The One I Desire: Story 6 : So Close
by Robbiespeedyslasher
Summary: Update: Please note: Story 7 posted on my site.Roy has invited Dick over for pizza and beer, but will he turn up. The evening unfolds with some quite unexpected events as Roy teaches Dick to let go... for all the right reasons.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or settings. It all belongs to DC.

Summary: Story Six in my "The One I Desire" series. Slash Paring (Dick and Roy) Roy has invited Dick over for pizza and beer, but he isn't certain that his friend will turn up. The evening unfolds with some quite unexpected events as Roy teaches Dick to let go... for all the right reasons. .

WARNING: Slash... no sex... but some touching.

Thank you to those who have read and taken the time to review the other stories in this series. Most of you have reviewed anonymously and haven't left an email address, so I haven't been able to reply. I want you to know that I appreciate your encouragement.

* * *

If you are interested in reading the first stories in the series, you will find them at fanfiction net and on my homepage which is listed in my profile.

* * *

**So Close**

Part One

Roy glanced at the time. It was a whole two minutes later than the last time he'd looked. This morning, Dick had agreed to 'come over tonight'. As Roy thought back, he remembered a couple of significant points raised during the conversation. First, he was supposed to leave all of his clothes on. Second, Dick had made it clear he wasn't sure what he was feeling and honestly believed whatever he _was_ feeling, would go away in time; and finally, tonight was supposed to be just pizza and beer.

Pizza and beer was good.

Pizza and beer was wholesome.

Pizza and beer?

"Damn." Roy shook his head. So, he had agreed to a night of pizza and beer and nothing else. What the hell had he been thinking? Roy flopped back onto the sofa and let his head tilt back to look up at the ceiling. He knew Dick was confused and wanted to take it slow -- for all the right reasons. And basically Roy agreed that was a good idea – at least his mind felt that was the way to go. His heart and his groin were another matter. "Man, Dick. I'm not sure I'm going to survive us courting." The word 'courting' made him laugh. It was such an old-fashioned word. It was something older people had done when they were young. It happened in the old black and white movies.

"Dating?" he asked himself. No, he and Dick weren't dating. They were just… "… just having pizza and beer. Man!"

Roy looked over at the clock. Yep, two minutes later. Now, it was 5:36 p.m. Harper guesstimated that Dick would arrive anything from midnight on. Nightwing would have to do a patrol in Bludhaven first.

"Six and a half hours." Six and a half hours to work out exactly how he should play tonight. Play? He was going to 'play' Dick? Roy squeezed his eyes shut. What exactly was he hoping to achieve? Achieve?

Ultimately, Roy Harper wanted Dick to share his life and his bed and he was one person who knew how to get a person into his bedroom. It was easy. He knew exactly what they wanted to hear and how to touch them. He knew exactly what to do to score. Roy opened his eyes. Was he that shallow? He'd always made sure the women understood it was just sex. No emotion. No commitment -- just a good old fashioned rumble in bed for the sheer enjoyment of the sex.

That wasn't what he wanted with Dick. For the first time in his life, Roy wasn't just looking for physical gratification through intimacy. He was in love with Dick. Dick was the _only_ person he'd ever truly been in love with. All of a sudden, all of the lines and plays… all of his experience in intimacy, meant nothing. Roy had never wanted love before. Not real, lasting, commitment type of love. Not love for the other person's sake as well as his own.

Hell, usually all he wanted to do was get his partner of the night into the sack. Tonight, all he wanted to do was wrap Dick up in his arms and tell him he loved him. Sex was the furthermost thing in his mind. Sex paled in comparison to the thought of just holding Dick and Dick holding him. Sex wasn't love… and love was what he felt for Dick. That didn't mean that Roy didn't want to make love to Dick… to hold him. To kiss him. Sex was only a small of making love to someone.

In so many ways, this was all new for Roy because Dick was the only person he'd ever truly wanted… wanted so badly that he felt like he was going burst for the sheer thrill of thinking about him. Failure and rejection with others had always meant so little. There was always another girl, another night. Any other girl. It didn't matter. There was no fear of stuffing up, putting his foot in it or losing the other person. Tonight, all of that changed.

Roy couldn't afford to stuff this up -- both for his and Dick's sakes. One wrong move… or a move that was too early and he'd lose Dick forever… and Dick would lose him. Roy couldn't let that happen. As Donna had put it, he may be Dick's chance at real love.

Roy rubbed the palm of his hand across his eyes. A knock at the door chased his thoughts away. Roy rose, walked across and then stepped to the side checking, "Who is it?" Stepping to the side was something Nightwing had taught him. If someone charged the door and knocked it in or decided to fire off a round, you really didn't want to be directly in its path.

"Roy, it's me," a woman's voice called.

"Donna?" Roy asked, dragging the door open. "Hey," he greeted, kissing her on the cheek as she entered.

"I've come to pick up Lian."

"What?"

Donna turned to him and smiled. "I shamelessly admit to having eavesdropped on you and Dick this morning. I know he's coming over tonight and I thought it may be best if Lian was elsewhere."

Roy drew in a long breath and smirked. "Thanks, but it's just pizza and beer."

Donna nodded. "Good. That sounds sensible. Still, you two spending some uninterrupted time together is what you need. So, Lian can…"

"Donna!" Lian cried, racing into the room.

Donna scooped the little girl up into her arms. "Hey, chickibabe. How would you like to have a sleep-over at my place?"

"Daddy?" Lian asked, bright eyed.

"Yeah, why not," Roy agreed.

Lian's smile dropped. "Uncle Dick's coming over tonight," she murmured, picking up Donna's necklace and examining it.

"By the time Uncle Dick arrives, you'd have been in bed anyway," Roy stated. Lian loved Dick. She'd always been so comfortable with him. Then again, she was probably just responding to what she sensed from her father.

"He comes in and says hello," Lian argued.

"How about I make sure he swings over to see you at Donna's tomorrow morning?" Roy asked.

"You'll forget," Lian grumbled, as Donna lowered her to the ground.

"She has you pegged," Donna chuckled. "Honey, why don't you go and grab some things you want to take and I'll come and help you pack in a little while." Lian nodded and ran off.

"Donna, she'll pull everything out of every drawer," Roy complained.

"I'll tidy up. I just wanted some time alone with you."

Roy grinned. "Is that so?"

Donna shook her head. "You're just one big gland; you know that, don't you?"

Roy bounced his eyebrows.

"That won't work with Dick."

Roy sighed and dropped the act. He was floundering and he knew it… and by the look of it, so did Donna. "Yeah I know. To tell you the truth, I feel a bit lost. I… I can't believe this happening."

"You've been waiting for a long time," the young woman acknowledged. "Look, it's none of my business… what I am saying? Of course it's my business."

Roy's right eyebrow rose.

"I love you both so you and Dick are my business. Be careful."

"This is right, Donna," Roy whispered. "I know it is."

"For what it's worth, I agree, but be careful. Dick's one of the strongest men I know, but he could be easily hurt if this goes wrong… and so could you. Dick's been hurt so many times by those he loves. Never intentionally, but he's been hurt."

"I know. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt him."

Donna walked across to the sofa and sat down. "One thing I've come to realize is that when it comes to love, Dick's confused. As a child, he was loved unconditionally by both his parents, and Bruce and Alfred. As a teenager, he was held at arm's length because of Bruce's twisted sense of how love interferes with his 'responsibility'. He pushed Dick away and to make it worse, he basically didn't allowed him to date or have any relationships. Robin had to come first. That's why Dick's clung to his teenage crush on Barbara Gordon. She's held him at arm's length. That's what he thinks love is. She's a safe option. Subconsciously, he knows she doesn't want him. Focusing all of his love on her protects him from finding real love elsewhere."

"What about Kory?" Roy asked, sitting down across from his friend. "Kory didn't hold Dick at arm's length. She was all over him. Did you want something to drink?"

"No thanks. Dick didn't become serious about Kory until he knew that he couldn't have her," Donna pointed out.

"When she was forced to marry on her own planet," Roy reflected, realizing his friend was right.

"Exactly. Safe options. He falls for people he can't have, because there is always distance between them… like the distance between him and the man he sees as his father. The distance is a safety net. It protects him and the person he loves. "

"Does he think that about me? That I'm a safe option he can't have?" Roy murmured, leaning back in the chair.

"Perhaps. If that's the case, you need to show him he's wrong."

"Yeah. Do you think that's all it is with Barbara?"

"Why?"

"I think it's more," Roy admitted. Dick loved Barbara in the same way, Roy loved him. Harper could tell. Barbara was everything Dick wanted. "I think he really loves her."

"I'm sure he does," Donna acknowledged.

"If she were to change her mind, he'd marry her without a second thought."

"If given the opportunity, I think you're right. He would marry her and they'd be happy, too. I think they'd be great together because I believe she's one of the two chances at happiness life will give Dick, but Barbara doesn't want him. I don't know what her reasons are. I think he's probably one of her chances at happiness too. Why's she keeping them apart? I don't know. She holds the key. What I do know, is that love takes two. Aphrodite told me that to each person there are given two chances at real love. Let's face it. If anyone would know, she would. Barbara's one of Dick's, but I honestly believe you're the other," Donna admitted. "Barbara doesn't want him, Roy. You do. Of course, there's one other factor."

"Batman," Roy whispered.

"Batman," Donna agreed. "Whether he likes it or not, Dick will be influenced by what Batman thinks. Dick loves and respects Bruce too much to ignore his opinion. I'm not sure how Bruce will react to a homosexual relationship."

"That's a bridge we'll cross when we get to it," Roy conceded. "If we get to it."

"If Dick accepts this…if he accepts the two of you…" She paused, choosing her words carefully. "When he realizes that this is more than the drug and that he actually feels something real for you, his first reaction will be to run like hell."

"Dick's never run from anything in his life," Roy defended.

"Nothing except real love. That's why he chooses people he can't have. He learned that from Batman."

"Do I hear a bitter sister?" Roy asked.

Donna directed her attention at the ground. "Bruce and Diana could have been happy. He felt it compromised their working relationship." Donna lifted her face. "Dick is likely to have a similar reaction, if you let him. Take it really slow, but don't let him dictate terms. If he does, he'll back out. He'll want to keep you at arm's length the moment he senses this is more than a fling. You'll need to make the first move… and the second… and third." She smiled. "And probably all of them after that. Kory had to."

Roy was nodding. He needed to find the right balance. "Like walking a tightrope."

"You chose an acrobat," Donna chuckled. Her smile faded. "The moment he recognizes this is real… that what _he's_ feeling for you really is love, he'll run. I know, Dick. He'll run for your sake as well as his own. Don't let him." She gazed at Roy and smiled. "He needs you. You're everything he isn't. I've watched you two together for years. I've seen the way he acts around you. It's the only time he actually comes close to relaxing. He doesn't keep you at arm's length… any of us, I suppose. You, me, Garth and Wally. Dick has allowed us to get close to him. He does love you, Roy, but you need to show him that that love can be more than what it is. But watch him. He will repel borders and push you a safe distance away when he realizes it's more than just a passing 'experience', for want of a better expression. Real love… close love… will scare the hell out of him. It's not something he's had before."

"Thanks, Donna." Her insights were amazing and the fact that she felt that he and Dick had a chance was a source of encouragement and relief.

* * *

For the next hour, Roy found himself at a loose end. He'd opened the window ready for Nightwing's arrival. He'd cleaned up a bit, not that there had been much to do. Donna had taken care of that before she'd left with Lian. Roy contemplated phoning Dick to ask what time he intended dropping in, but he decided against that. It would only give Dick a chance to back out. 

Five and a half hours to go.

Knocking at the door.

Roy frowned. Visitors? Not tonight. "Who is it?"

"Who the hell do you think? I'm trying to juggle pizza and beer. Open the door."

Roy's eyes widened. Dick was here already? Harper yanked the door open. Dick's smile faded as he took in the shocked expression. "I thought you were expecting me."

"Yeah. Yeah, I was… am. I just… I thought you had to work tonight."

Dick shrugged. "I decided to take some time off. Tim's covering for me. Hey, if you've got something else planned for this time," he murmured, remaining outside.

"Hell, no. I just… like I said, I wasn't expecting you to come so early or use the door."

"How the hell else was I supposed to get in?" Dick asked, walking by Roy and shoving the beer at him.

"Well, usually you use the window, Wingster."

"Not when I'm out of costume." Roy watched Dick stroll into the kitchen, open one of the pizza boxes and take out a slice. "The game starts in about five minutes. I think the Bludhaven Tigers have a chance."

"Ummm, yeah." Roy blinked in an attempt to snap himself into reality. Dick was here. "Shit." Quickly, he walked across and turned on the television. "Bludhaven will only have a chance if their pitcher doesn't fold like he did in the last game."

"Not his fault. His girlfriend had just left him," Dick stated. "What do you want? Meat or vegetarian?"

"You need to ask?" Roy asked.

Dick grinned. "Carnivore."

Roy smiled and then melted as he drowned in the depth of those blue eyes he'd die for. For a split second, Harper reviewed the moment. Dick was here and he'd come because…? Roy couldn't be sure, but at least he was here. "Since when have you been a vegetarian?"

"Well, pizza is about the worst thing in the world you can eat so I tell myself that the vegetarian is the healthiest pizza choice and then I don't feel so guilty."

"You're delusional, Robbie."

Dick grinned. "Yep. Lian," he called. "Pizza."

"She's having a sleep-over at Donna's."

"Oh." Suspicion flooded his face as he turned to study Roy.

"I didn't arrange it," Roy stated, lifting his hands. "Donna just turned up and…"

"And is trying to set us up," Dick grumbled.

"No, she just wanted to give us some space. Having a four year old jumping up and down on the couch between us isn't conducive to…" Roy wasn't sure how to finish.

"Conducive to what? Seduction?" Dick asked, his voice tinged with triumph. His suspicions had been confirmed.

"You think I asked you over to seduce you?" Roy demanded.

"It crossed my mind, Harper."

Roy grinned. "Mine too, but we agreed on pizza and beer and on taking things slow. Let's just enjoy the evening without planning anything out or deciding what its purpose is. You and me. Together. That's what I want. How about you?"

Dick blinked and shrugged. "Do you want the truth?"

"Yeah, I do. I'm feeling my way here, too."

"I've been worried about this all day." At least it was an honest admission.

"Worried that I might seduce you? Take advantage of you?" Roy asked, puzzled.

Dick shook his head. "No. Worried that I might…" He sighed.

"Might?"

"Might find that there's more to this than I can blame on Poison Ivy."

"Is that such a bad thing?" Roy whispered.

"I don't know." He was looking at Roy intently, still hoping Roy could explain this to him.

Harper could feel his body reacting and consciously calmed himself. "All I can say is that I'm really happy you're here. Oh, and I told you I'd keep my clothes on tonight. I meant it." He grinned. "I'm too much man for you to handle anyway."

Dick laughed. It was filled with relief. "You may be right, Speedy. Hey, the game's starting!"

The pair settled on the couch side by side, beer in one hand and pizza in the other. For about fifteen minutes they watched the game, ate, drank and generally enjoyed each other's company.

"So, you and Ollie okay at the moment?"

"Yeah. Good really. Lian makes things easy. He takes time to come and see her and that gives us an opportunity to talk. You'd think she was his granddaughter."

"She is, isn't she?" Dick asked.

"Only if he thinks of me as his son."

"Which he does."

"Sometimes."

Dick elbowed Roy. "You know he does. Like Bruce, Ollie wouldn't know how to use the 'L' word if his life depended on it. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel it."

"Yeah. So, what about you and the big, black bat?"

"We're better. Better than we have been for a long time. He's starting to treat me like I'm an adult. It just about kills him, but he's trying," Dick chuckled.

Roy eyed his friend, noting that he still looked pale. "How are you feeling?"

Harper decided it was time to move things along as naturally as possible. He stretched and then dropped his arm over Dick's shoulders. Grayson's body went rigid. He glanced sideways at Roy. "Uncomfortable?"

For a long time, Dick didn't answer. "No."

"Good." Dick was studying him. "Stop thinking, Robbie. Just let things happen."

"It's not that easy."

"Yes it is. I know you're the bat's kid, but you need to unlearn all of that and just be you. Don't think about what's happening. Just let it unfold. Just respond to it."

"I've got a headache."

Roy blinked and then burst out laughing. "You have got to be kidding."

Dick smirked and then sighed. "I was answering your question about how I'm feeling."

"Oh. You still don't look well."

"I'm okay. Just got a killer headache."

"Have you taken something for it?"

"Aspirin."

They became quiet. Roy moved closer to Dick so that their bodies were touching. "Okay?" He checked. Was this too fast? Not fast enough?

"Yeah," Dick responded. Roy could feel the tension radiating through Dick's stiff body. Bad move he decided, feeling the tightrope he was walking beginning to swing under his feet. He shifted back and as he was withdrawing his arm, his hand brushed Dick's back. The muscles were like concrete.

"Hell. No wonder you've got a headache, Grayson." Roy placed his hand on Dick's shoulder. "You're tight as hell." Roy paused. "You got yourself into this state over coming over here for pizza and beer?"

Dick shrugged. "That, and a couple of other things, too."

"Sit forward and let me work some of the tightness out of those muscles."

"No, it's okay."

"It wasn't a request, Grayson. Aspirin isn't going to help that." When Dick failed to move, Roy physically shoved and then twisted him around. He dug his thumbs in the muscles of Dick's shoulders. "Jesus, Dick. Why didn't you say something?"

For the next few minutes, Roy manipulated Dick's shoulders, gradually loosening the muscles as the pair watched and discussed the ballgame. Harper ignored the temptation to let his hands dance wider a field. However, he noted that it wasn't just Dick's shoulders that were knotted up. "When was the last time you had someone work your muscles over?"

"I don't know. Probably… probably the last time you did it at the Tower."

"Grayson that was months ago," Roy snarled, thumping Dick in the middle of the back. "Dr. Charles said at least once a week with the stress you put on your body."

"Nag, nag, nag."

"You'll end up a cripple in a wheelchair… her exact words. That's it. I'm doing it now. Come on. Into the bedroom," Roy ordered, getting to his feet.

Dick glanced at him, his expressive eyes revealing shock.

Shock? "Hey, I'm not trying to get you into my bed… I can't believe I said that." Roy grinned. "I'd love to have you in my bed, but that's not what I'm trying to do. I'm talking about a full therapeutic massage. It's going to hurt like hell with the way your body is all knotted up. So much for my idea of a night of pizza, beer and hot, passionate making-out on the couch."

"Roy…"

"Get up, Dick, or I'll beat you senseless and then massage the hell out of you while you're unconscious."

"Keep your shirt on, Speedy," Dick grumbled. "I was going to get a massage on the weekend."

"Yeah, and I was going to take ballet lessons. Move, Grayson." Again, Roy noted the edge of suspicion in Dicks' eyes. "Hey, I've already said it's just a massage. You don't believe me?"

"Huh? No. I… hell, Roy. I'm just being stupid, aren't I?" Paranoid, Dick realized. His plan for this evening was unravelling.

Roy grinned. "I won't touch any of your 'naughty' bits."

Dick smirked. "Thanks. Look, just ignore me. I know I'm not making a lot of sense at the moment. Put it down to not having slept more than a few hours in the last couple of days. As for the massage, it can wait until..."

"Crap. If your muscles were any tighter they'd snap and I don't have a chance of seducing you on that couch if you don't relax." Roy winked.

Dick sighed. "The poison causes my muscles to tense up."

"Yeah, yeah. You keep telling yourself that, short pants. It was the thought of making love to stud like me. Come on," Roy insisted, pulling Dick to his feet and shoving him in the direction of the bedroom.

Dick stopped next to the bed and lifted his eyes to Roy. He was in Roy's bedroom. That wasn't good.

Continued in Part 2

* * *

Drop in at my home page for my "The One I Desire" Series... it is listed in my profile.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or settings. It all belongs to DC.

Summary: Story Six in my "The One I Desire" series. Slash Paring (Dick and Roy) Roy has invited Dick over for pizza and beer, but he isn't certain that his friend will turn up. The evening unfolds with some quite unexpected events as Roy teaches Dick to let go... for all the right reasons. .

WARNING: Slash... no sex... but some touching.

Thank you to those who have read and taken the time to review the other stories in this series. Most of you have reviewed anonymously and haven't left an email address, so I haven't been able to reply. I want you to know that I appreciate your encouragement.

* * *

If you are interested in reading the first stories in the series, you will find them at fanfiction net and on my homepage which is listed in my profile.

* * *

**So Close**

Part Two

"Dick, I'm not going to try anything. I'm just going to loosen you up so you don't end up crippled… no, really," he laughed, amused by the determined frown on his friend's face. "Get a grip of yourself, will you and get your shirt off. I'll get some oil."

When Roy returned, Dick was still standing in the same spot. "Dick?" The funny side of this was quickly passing its use by date. "Dick? Why is this making you uncomfortable?" Roy asked. It never had before.

Dick didn't answer, his mind and stomach churning.

"Dick, ignore everything I've been saying. The making out and stuff were just jokes. Tonight was just about spending some time with you. Nothing more. And this is just a massage because you've got yourself into such a state that you're in pain. You heard what Sarah said. Toxin's build up and have to be released. Considering all the poison in your system, it isn't any wonder. I'm doing this not because I'm in love with you and want to get you into my bed, but because I care about you as a friend and team mate. You'd do the same for me. Come on, I've given you dozens of massages over the years."

"Yeah. What the hell were you thinking when you were doing them?" Dick asked with a lame grin. He was definitely being silly about this. It was just a massage and he knew he needed one. It wasn't as if Roy was making it up.

Roy bounced his eyebrows. "There isn't a court in the land that will convict a man based on his thoughts. Now, lie down and shut up." Roy sighed, walked across to his friend and laid a hand on each shoulder. He lowered his voice and became serious. "I give you my word. It's just a massage. A painful, therapeutic massage to start, finishing with a relaxing massage to give you some relief. No matter what, my clothes stay on. So do your pants. Deal?"

For the second time, Roy watched the layers fall away from Dick's face. The vulnerability staring back at him was beautiful. "Deal. If I want you to stop…"

"You say 'stop' and I stop." Roy realized that Dick wasn't worried about him, he was worried about himself…about how his body may react in light of Poison Ivy's little love juice.

Hesitantly, Grayson removed his shirt and then sat down on the edge of the mattress. Roy knelt onto the bed behind him and started where he'd left off. He massaged Dick's shoulders with his knuckles, feeling the knotted flesh give just a little. All the while Roy spoke to his friend about Lian and the case he was working on and a dozen other things. Dick groaned… certainly not in ecstasy.

"Take it easy, Roy. You're killing me."

"You're not getting any sympathy from me, Grayson. This is your own damn fault. From now on, you organize a massage once a week so you don't get into this state."

It took Roy half an hour to grind Dick's shoulders and back enough to relieve most of the built up tension. Then, he changed the action to soothing. Dick released his breath and moaned softly as he began to unwind.

"Better?"

"Yeah." Roy focused his attention on Dick's back, mapping every part of it. Grayson's body was perfect. Not over-muscled, but beautifully defined. It was any wonder he turned heads at Titans Tower when he worked out shirtless.

Roy explored every inch of his friend's torso, finding other 'points' that he would be able to use at a later date. Throughout, he continued to chat and Dick provided one syllable responses and acknowledgements.

After almost fifteen minutes, Roy tapped Dick's shoulder and guided his now very relaxed friend back onto the bed. Dick looked up at him dreamily and Roy smiled. He picked up Dick's arm and began to kneed the muscles in his upper arm, feeling them loosen beneath his powerful fingers. By the time he'd finished the other arm, Dick's eyes had closed.

"How are you doing?"

"Mmmm."

"Headache gone?"

"Yeah. Thanks. You were right. I needed this. I shouldn't have let it go so long."

Roy grinned and gently rolled Dick onto his stomach. Dick was compliant. He trusted Roy without question. Roy had promised and Dick accepted his word.

Harper moved directly to Grayson's calves, and then to his sensitive feet, watching with amusement as Dick's toes curled. He'd come back there later should he be given the opportunity.

Roy started on the back of Dick's thighs, once again careful to avoid any responsive places that might compromise the 'relaxing' purpose of this rub down. As he completed the left leg, Roy heard Dick's breathing change.

"You feeling relaxed now?" There was no reply. "Robbie?" Roy paused. "Dick?" Harper glanced down at his friend and released his breath loudly. "Asleep. You have got to be kidding." He reached out to shake Dick, but stopped. Roy snorted and then patted Grayson's head with great affection. "Get some rest, Robbie."

Roy climbed off the bed. As he did so, Dick stirred. His eyes blinked open. "I fall asleep?" he asked a little disoriented.

"You did."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. The entire point was to relieve all of that tension you had balled up inside you. Do you feel relaxed?"

Dick grinned. "I feel like molasses. Always do after a good massage. You've got magic hands, Roy. You're wasted as an archer."

Roy sat down beside Dick, drinking in how beautiful he was. Tentatively, he ran his fingers through Dick's ebony hair, monitoring Dick's reaction. Grayson studied him curiously.

"You don't mind?" Roy asked.

"I guess not," Dick whispered, his eyes closing briefly in response to the sensation. Grayson rolled onto his side. For a long time they stared at each other, Roy continuing to drag his fingers through Dick's tussled hair.

Roy swallowed. Maybe it was time to try to take the next step along this tightrope. "Let me show you how much I care. Let me pleasure you."

"Pleasure? I've never heard the word pleasure used as a verb before," Dick murmured.

"Give me the chance to show you."

"Roy. I don't want sex. I'm sorry."

"I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about showing you how to let go enough to relax properly. You never let yourself relax, Dick."

"I do."

"You don't. Let me take your massage one step further. I can make you feel better than you've ever felt and I won't touch your groin or anything else. Please let me do this for you? You use the word stop if you need to. Okay?" Roy laid his fingers on the side of Dick's face. He loved him so much.

"I don't think it's a good idea."

Donna's words rushed back to Roy. '_Don't let him dictate terms. If he does, he'll back out' _"That's a shame because I'm going to do it until you say stop."

"Roy…" Dick started to protest. Harper pulled Grayson forward, rolling him onto his stomach. "Roy…"

"It's just an extension of the massage, so shut-up and enjoy it." Roy laid his splayed hands on Dick's back and ran his fingers down, pressing the various pressure points on their slow journey towards Dick's backside. Grayson moaned as hormones were released by Roy's experienced hands.

"Jesus, Roy."

Harper smiled. He could light his friend up like a Christmas tree just using his hands. He could make Dick so drunk on his own hormones that he wouldn't know how to say stop… but Roy wouldn't. Not yet. Not tonight. Roy wouldn't take it that far. All he wanted to do this evening was get Dick to truly relax, but to do that Dick's mind needed to relinquish full control. This would help.

Gently, Harper manipulated Dick's pleasure areas, moving swiftly to Dick's legs and his feet. Dick's body responded to his touch, the muscles rippling and his mind clouding and soaring on wave after wave of induced sensuality.

Roy Harper could feel his own body reacting to both Dick's soft murmurs of pleasure and to the feeling of touching Dick's body. He had wanted to do this to Dick… for Dick… for so many years.

"Haven't heard you say stop yet, Robbie. I'm giving you the chance now."

Dick's breathing was relaxed but rapid. Roy eased Dick onto his back. Grayson's eyes were closed. Lost in the moment, Roy bent forward and kissed the man he'd love all his life. Passion flooded him and in his mind's eye, he was scooping Dick up into his arms. Grayson murmured something unintelligible. Harper bent down and planted several kisses on Dick's upper body, at the same time, using the heel of his hand to stimulate the sensitive areas of his chest.

Roy straightened and transferred his attention to Dick's inner thighs. His fingers danced and Dick's back arched abruptly, his groin swelling. Roy knew he was fast approaching the line between sensual and sexual. Dick wasn't ready for the latter. Roy paused, waiting for his friend to say stop. A little guiltily, he realized that Dick was now so drunk on physical pleasure, he probably couldn't form the word if he wanted to

Small creases had formed around Dick's closed eyes, and his mouth had curled into a grimace, indicating he was fighting what he was feeling. He was actually fighting the pleasure rippling through him. He was afraid of giving in to himself, Roy recognised.

"Let go, damn it," Roy whispered. All Harper wanted was to help Dick let go… to give in to himself, for all the right reasons. Dick's back lifted again and a low guttural moan was released from deep down within him.

"Ssstopp… Roy. Sssstop."

Harper withdrew his hands instantly, staring down at Dick's flushed face. There was pain etched into it -- both physical and emotional. "Okay, Robbie. I've stopped. Dick? You okay?"

Grayson was struggling to regain control, blinking his eyes furiously.

Roy shifted up beside Dick and laid a soothing hand in the centre of his friend's chest. "Easy. It's okay. I've stopped. Relax, bud. I've stopped. Close your eyes and relax."

Dick panted and nodded, his eyes closing.

How had Dick found the clarity of mind to say 'stop'? He'd come so close to giving in to himself, but years of being in total control of his reactions and emotions had once again got in the way.

Roy continued to rub his hand in circles on Dick's sculpted chest. "Easy, big guy. Breath slowly."

Dick opened his eyes and turned his head toward Roy, who was lying on his side beside him. Roy smiled. "Okay?"

"Yeah," Dick panted.

"Took you a while to say stop."

Dick licked his lips. "You don't play fair."

"Yeah, but you came close to really relaxing."

Dick frowned. Roy could guess what he was thinking. "No, I wasn't contemplating sex. I was beginning to make love to you. There is a difference."

Dick swallowed.

"Did it feel wrong?"

"Unfair question."

Roy grinned.

Dick's breathing was returning to normal. "Where the hell did you learn to do that?"

"Remember when I disappeared for a few months after I left drug rehab? I was went travelling. Ended up in a very small monastery in the Himalayas and stayed with a group of monks shunned by the rest of their order because they believe that to reach spiritual enlightenment you have to reach the greatest heights of pleasure, hence they perfected the art of pleasuring… the verb."

"Now I know why women are so happy to jump into your bed."

Roy snorted. "I don't do that for just anyone, Dick. Besides, we didn't get very far."

"Far enough," Dick murmured. He stared up at the ceiling.

"Are you saying you didn't like it or that you feel used?"

Dick looked over at Roy. "I don't know what I feel. You… what did you get out of it? What do you want from me now?" Cold, hard reality had taught Dick that everyone who did anything for him wanted or received something in return. There were a couple of exceptions – Alfred and Bruce… maybe Donna, Garth, Roy and Wally too.

Roy was stunned by the question. "What did I get out of it?" His face twisted first with shock and then anger, but as he gazed down at Dick's bewildered face, he realized that Grayson was having difficulty accepting that the love and attention he'd just been given had been given freely and came with no strings attached. "What did I get out of it, Dick? I got the chance to make you feel fantastic. For once in your life, I wanted you to really relax."

"I… but…"

"You're looking at this all wrong. I don't want anything from you, Dick. I just want _you_. I wasn't looking for sex tonight. You really need to get that through your head. Sex is about personal gratification. Making love -- that's about your partner. It's about loving your partner. You don't need to have sex to do that." Roy leaned down closer to Dick. "I wanted to show you what you and I can have if you let go and give us a chance."

Dick didn't know what to think… what to feel. Overwhelmed didn't even begin to cover it. "Roy… I…" Drowning, he reached for a life-line by changing the subject. "So, someone does that for you?"

"Pleasure me? Give with no strings attached? I hope to find someone who loves me enough to." Dick stared up at Roy and his jaw trembled as if he was about to comment, but he didn't. Grayson sat up, swung his feet over the edge of the bed and started for the door on unsteady legs.

"There are towels in the hall cupboard." Dick paused and glanced back at his friend. "You want a cold shower don't you?" Roy grinned. "Looks like you could use it."

"Shut-up, Roy."

"It's not a sin to enjoy yourself, Dick."

"We were enjoying ourselves just a little too much."

"How can a person enjoy themselves too much?" Roy shouted as Dick disappeared. Roy flopped back on the bed and shook his head. "So, close." Just a few moments more and Dick would have yielded to his own feelings. It was a barrier they needed to conquer. Dick had to learn to submit to what he wanted. He'd come close tonight.

Roy heard the water start, got up and made his way into the bathroom. He stopped and leaned against the door frame, gazing at Dick's naked body through the clear glass shower door. He truly was perfect.

Dick sensed he was being watched and spun around, covering himself with his hands. "What are you doing?"

"Watching?"

"Why?"

"Because I like the view."

"Get out!"

"Hell, Grayson, we've seen each other naked before. We shower together all the time at Titan Tower."

"Yeah, but you don't stand there watching me."

"I take sneaky side ways glances." Dick's wide eyes grew wider. "Besides, believe me, you've got nothing you need to be ashamed of," Roy added, bouncing his eyebrows.

A burning crimson spread across Dick's cheeks. Roy winked and left the room.

Ten minutes later, Dick emerged. "Want some cold pizza?" Roy asked.

"No," Dick stated, quietly.

"Don't go psychoanalyzing everything, Dick. Relaxing is about letting go for a while. You almost did. And yeah, I touched you in a way that made you feel great. A sensual massage. Nothing more. It wasn't dirty or seedy. It wasn't sex. I kept Willie shackled. So did you."

"Willie? You call it Willie?" Dick grunted.

"Yeah. What do you call it?"

"I don't call _it_ anything," Dick murmured, pushing away the cold piece of pizza Roy thrust at him.

"The Bludhaven Tigers were crucified."

Dick sat down in silence. Roy left him to his thoughts, using the remote to flick though the channels while he waited. It was almost a half an hour before Dick spoke.

"Roy…" He paused, still trying to decide what he wanted to say.

"Yeah?"

"I didn't come over here tonight for pizza and beer."

"Your mission was to fix this mess you find yourself in?"

Dick swallowed and nodded. "I thought you'd make a move and I'd planned to be firm and say no and to end all of this… so that everything would go back to normal. The way it's supposed to be."

Roy had suspected as much. Nightwing didn't take nights off. This had been a mission, like any other, except he hadn't worn his costume. "Did it ever enter that sharp mind of yours, batboy, that 'us' is the way it's supposed to be?"

"No," Dick whispered. His confusion had reached new heights. Everything was wrong… and yet he couldn't deny how good this felt. It didn't have anything to do with the sensual massage or the feelings of pleasure he'd experienced. It was the fact that Roy had taken the time to make him feel like he'd never felt before, without any reward for himself. Just being here with Roy felt different. Good different.

"I just want to be with you," Roy pointed out.

Dick swallowed. "I accused you of wanting something from me because I was hoping that you did… that you'd expect something from me -- that this was just about you and had nothing to do with me. It would have made it easier to chalk _my_ feelings up to the drug and yours to years of wanting me in bed." Dick picked up a half finished can of beer and downed the contents. That's not what had happened. Roy hadn't wanted him in bed. He'd just wanted to… love him. That felt so strange and so amazing all at the same time.

"And…?" Roy prompted. Where were Dick's thoughts heading?

"And…" Dick drew in a deep breath and turned to Roy. "And I was wrong and I apologize. I guess I was hoping to manipulate the situation."

"Don't feel too guilty. If given the opportunity, I would have manipulated the situation myself -- but in the opposite direction," Roy finished with a reassuring smile.

"I still don't understand what's happening or why, but after tonight, I do know one thing."

"What?"

Dick smiled. It was almost shy and yet, his eyes twinkled with mischief. "I really do enjoy pizza and beer."

"Like I said, I just want to be with you. Hey, and am I a man of my word or what? I kept my clothes on the entire evening."

"Yeah, you did," Dick chuckled.

Roy's face became deadly serious with such swiftness, that Dick sat up straighter. "Dick, I want you to understand something, though. Something that may not be easy for you to hear, but it's important."

"Go on."

Roy desperately tried to maintain the earnest expression, but he couldn't and so bounced his eyebrows. "I do still want you naked, hot and sweaty in my bed."

Dick laughed easily.

"I just wanted to clarify that point in case I've somehow given you the wrong impression. My ultimate goal has, and always will be, you naked in my bed and completely at my mercy. Okay?"

"Okay," Dick grinned.

"Just so long as we're both clear on that rather important point."

They were back to normal. Their friendship was so easy on both of them.

"Just promise me one other thing, Speedy."

"What?"

"Next time you give me a massage at the Tower, you limit it to just therapeutic and relaxing."

Roy winked at him. "Are you saying you didn't like the sensual section?"

Dick snorted. "I liked it more than I care to think about. Your hands should be registered as lethal weapons."

Roy stared into Dick's face. "I want to kiss you," he whispered.

Dick's eyes clouded and the mirth left his face. "I don't think that's such a great idea."

Roy's brow furrowed. They were the same words Dick had said earlier and Roy had ignored them. Was this Dick's way of saying yes, without actually saying it? His way of keeping Roy at arm's length? "I'm going to kiss you unless you say stop," Roy threatened, leaning into Dick. He took the empty beer can from Grayson's hand, placed it on the table and edged closer. As he leaned in, a single word ended the action.

"Stop," Dick whispered.

Roy frowned. "Why?"

Dick's face flushed red. He actually looked scared. None of this had been a part of his 'strategy' for the evening. Tonight was supposed to have ended this, not taken it further. "You said you wouldn't ask for an explanation."

"I lied. Why, Dick?"

"I wouldn't have come if I'd thought that… I don't want you to be getting the wrong idea. Tonight was… not what I expected and…"

"… and you're still worried that when the remnants of Poison Ivy's drug disappear, so will what you're feeling for me? Yeah, I get that. I don't believe it, but I understand. And you know what? I don't care." Roy put his hand behind Dick's head and drew their lips together. Dick responded… his body finally starting to over-ride his mind and allowing him to react to the innate urges he felt.

Roy slid his hand down to cup Dick's neck and brought his other arm around Grayson's back, bringing Dick's body against his. As Roy delved deeper into the kiss, he realized that while Dick was participating, he was also attempting to force Roy away with his arms. Grayson's mind hadn't been defeated. It was still there and still battling. Dick just couldn't quite to let go, but Roy knew how to fix that. He dropped his hand from Dick's neck to his torso and sent his experienced fingers about their task of clouding his friend's interfering head. Grayson's body shuddered. He gave one last ditched attempt to push Roy away before collapsing against Harper, his physical protests dying as Roy sent his body surging.

Roy changed from gently caressing to ravaging Dick's mouth. He dug his fingers into Dick's back and Grayson cried out before melting against Harper completely. Roy released his panting friend's mouth and Dick's head toppled forward onto Roy's shoulder. Speedy smiled and feathered kisses on Dick's neck waiting for him to recover.

Grayson swooned so easily that it amazed Harper, but then, Dick wasn't used to allowing his emotions free. Years of denying his emotions had meant that he fell quickly and completely to them.

Roy drew away, sat back, spun Dick's limp body easily and then eased Dick's back against his chest. For a moment Dick struggled a little and then he melted against Roy again.

Harper felt the rise and fall of Dick's breathing against his. He shut his eyes and savored the moment… a moment he had dreamt of for so long. "Comfortable?"

"I have to go in a few minutes," Dick responded a little shakily. "I told Tim I'd be back by midnight." He'd only asked Robin to fill in for a couple of hours. This 'mission' was supposed to have been over quickly.

"Maybe next time you can stay the night."

They sat in silence, Roy with his arms folded around Dick. Harper reflected on the things Donna had said, like the fact that Dick would run once he decided this was more than just a fling. Was that how Dick looked at Roy? As just an interesting experience with no strings attached? Someone he couldn't have and so could keep at arm's length -- at least metaphorically.

"Roy, none of this feels real," Dick whispered. "Does it feel bizarre to you?"

"No. This," Harper responded, sliding his arm down around Dick's waist and pulling him closer, "feels God damn perfect."

Dick glanced up at him. "It feels bizarre. Not real. Like I'm not a part of it, but watching it all happen."

"You don't like this?" Roy asked, squeezing Dick and leaning over to kiss him lightly on the lips.

"I didn't say I didn't like it." Again they became quiet, Dick's head tipped back against Harper's chest so that he could look up into Roy's face. He was analyzing again. Trying to make this fit into his understanding or what reality was supposed to be. "I'm still not ready for anything more. Is that okay? I'm sorry. I'm not playing hard to get or anything I just…I'm rambling, aren't I?" he murmured, turning to focus on the flicking images on the television screen.

"Yep. But I understand and it's fine. We have the rest of our lives to worry about 'anything more'. This. You being here. That's enough for now. I'm happy to give you all the time you need, Dick."

Dick had almost let go tonight… almost given in and allowed himself to do what he wanted rather than what he perceived to be 'the right and responsible thing'. Somehow, someway, Roy had got the balance right, but he and Dick were still perched precariously on the tightrope that constituted their changing relationship. They'd taken some giant steps tonight. Dick was comfortable with Roy holding him and he'd been more than a passive part of their kiss. He'd allowed Roy to give him a sensual massage. True, Roy hadn't given him much of a choice, but Dick could have stopped him if he'd really wanted to. He hadn't. A week earlier, if anyone had said that that may be the case, Roy would have laughed in their face.

The three words imprinted on Roy's soul finally found voice. "I love you, Robbie."

Dick twisted and looked up at him, his blue eyes a mix of emotions. "Yeah, I know." Roy sensed Dick's turmoil as self-control and years of self-enforced responsibility returned. All of the layers that had been stripped away, suddenly fell back into place right before Roy's eyes. Dick's need to be sure and to protect Roy kicked in at that moment and took precedence over everything else. "I better go." Grayson rose and headed for the door. He paused and glanced back at his best friend. "Thanks for the massage. My headache's gone."

"Good, but don't leave it more than a week before you go to someone and get another or I'll hunt you down and kick your ass."

Dick smiled easily. "With a threat like that, rest assured, I'll make a regular booking with my local masseur, but if his hands take the same liberties yours did, I'll knock his head off. Good night."

"Good night, sexy." Dick shook his head and left smiling.

Roy sighed happily. "So close, Grayson. So damn close."

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Thank you for reading... I'd love to know what you thought.

(Please note: Story 7 will be rated MA and so will not be able to be posted at Fanfiction net. You will have to read it on my site which you will find listed on my profile page.)

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Drop in at my home page for my "The One I Desire" Series... it is listed in my profile.


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